Yes, some days that does have to happen.
I reached with wet fingers to turn on an old lamp, and thought as I did so, what if I was electrocuted by this simple gesture?
I continued for a minute or two considering the resulting events.
Then I realized that I was really tired of taking care of things. Especially my health.
Depression is just around the corner. I'm so tired of taking care. My care giving for health, the house, the food, everything.
There is sometime going to be total rest from it all.
But not today. I will gladly go to sleep and hope to wake up.
I have too much to do to give up. I am looking forward to new adventures, changes, opportunities, new friends.
J. told me yesterday when I mentioned all the blogs I read, that I should be making some connections in Colorado where I'll soon be living. Good advice. I contacted the UU church in Durango and signed up for their newsletter. I do plan to check them out, and I can start looking at their Sunday programs on line now...the past ones are available. (I've claimed to be a UU for over 50 years) They have recently called a new minister, so I can get to know her along with everyone else there. I like their climate awareness group that I read about in their web site. I'm looking forward to trying to sit in a congregation without coughing, at least as much as possible. That had gotten to be too difficult here in Black Mountain.
But the rest of this long weekend stretches ahead without much joy. Most people are relaxing with their families...and the weather has turned cool and rainy...so I can't escape to the mountains and woods very well. I just have a three day weekend to spend doing what? OK, taking care of the house. (There's that ugly "care-for" word) Packing whatever...or at least sorting things. I've had a break from actually doing anything. Maybe it's time to pull up my big girl panties and go back to work.
But as I write this I remember the good advice of AA and Alanon...to watch out for HALT...hungry, angry, lonely or tired. This link was excellent for reviewing how someone with addictions needs to work to avoid relapse, but it also helped me consider that my "recovery" from pneumonia is similar to becoming and keeping sober in that ongoing kind of recovery. Having a chronic medical condition means I'm also going to be in recovery the rest of my life.
So I'll also reach out to my friends this weekend. And family by phone. Lonely is top of my list I can identify with. Tired is second to consider!
