Yesterday there was respite of a few hours of sunshine, so the windows and doors were open. Then the rains returned, as well as high uncomfortable humidity in between. This COPD sufferer was not happy. (dampness has begun to really give me shortness of breath and light headed feelings, though my oxygen and blood pressures look fine.)
This morning I went early to have my blood draw. Poor nurse did have to dig around a couple of times before the tiny needle punched into an even tinier vein. Then the results were posted just an hour ago.
Interesting to find one of the tests was low, my MCHC was low...something to do with hemoglobin, perhaps anemia? I'll wait to talk to the new primary care provider tomorrow to hear what it means.
I had a good talk with friends over coffee after that. We didn't discuss medical conditions at all. One friend had a very vivid and unsettling dream, and then thought she had irony when the feelings from her dream were the same as those of the character in the book she was reading during breakfast. We then went off into the wild blue yonder to figure out exactly what irony meant, and ended up deciding she had a coincidence more than irony.
I still will probably avoid talking about irony. It just has this kind of vague place in my experiences. Why go where things are vague, when you can just do something else, like satire, or cynicism, or coincidences. They are pretty clear to me.
Anyway, I forgot what I'd learned about dreams, and later texted her to consider this possibility. That dreams are messages to the self from the unconscious. I am not sure that will help her understand the dream. But it's not mine, so I'm ok with letting it all go.
I'm frustrated that the woman who's supposedly helping me with my application to an apartment in Colorado is dropping the ball. I called to check on progress this morning, and she returned my message with the request for 2 more forms. I had filled out forms giving my son the ability to sign forms when we had to redo the entire application last fall. The original one from July somehow got misplaced. He signed the form as my "legal representative." She sent it back, crossed out his name, and had me sign it as the applicant. And I again sent my birth certificate, since that had also been misplaced. Well, first she sent an email without any attachment. I wrote her back, still didn't get anything. I sent the birth certificate as attachment to email. Finally called, and she said she'd send the form, which came within 2 minutes. I returned it after signing it.
So I'll keep on checking on a weekly basis. This is the 3rd week that she's been sending forms in to get approval. And each time she kind of hints that maybe something will be available soon. I think that opportunity for next month has flown out the window already.
What do I do with this frustration? My family is on one side, willing to help as soon as we know when the move might happen. They are working people living out of state. And I am not packed even 20-25% yet. Stagnation!
This mucky pond - a quagmire of inaction - hinging on that woman calling to let me know an apartment is available. Each discussion is just to continue providing forms...even though I'm now on the third iteration of them.
But she is the gatekeeper.
Being nice is how I've been trained to deal with people in charge of my benefits. I don't think there's any possibility of storming the gates. Nope, not going to get me what I want, an apartment.
But hey, right here I can say I'm mad!
I think 1.) I'm not being treated with the efficiency I deserve.
Does she have 2.) personal problems?
Is there some barrier politically 3.) that I don't know about?
Let's assume 1, she's not very efficient. OK, keep encouraging her!
2. She may have personal problems. OK, avoid or hint at understanding? Probably avoid because after all, I need to encourage numero uno.
And 3. Probably someone wants their auntie/sister's husband's mother or someone they have connections with to move soon. Or perhaps there's a favor owed. Oh yes, that's often the politics of life in bureaucracy. Of course it's never stated, nor written into any of the myriad forms. How do I deal with that? Not anything I can do. Well, I do have my son living in that town. His connection is with the manager of the complex, who was a high school student when my son was advising career choices for him, the manager. Not much clout there.
And 4. The apartment is sitting vacant waiting for me. I can envision it. There are clean surfaces everywhere and diffuse sunlight coming through blinds. It doesn't smell musty, but more like the lingering cleansers last used to sanitize it. This is to become my new home! This is the bubble I often see in my mind's eye. We're just waiting to meet and live together for a nice long time.
