I was thinking nobody knows when they're going to die.
At least those who aren't suicidal or those who have euthanasia legal where they live...
So mainly I am thinking about myself. And I'm not depressed.
So I posted this the other day (after being totally frustrated by the health insurance industry!)
About 20 minutes ago I gave up trying to take a nap. I started my thoughts as to what I'd next do with lots of things I've let lapse lately. Then I thought of writing a blog post saying this was Dying Day One. Who knows how long it will go...conceivably until I am no longer.
It seemed an interesting proposition. Rather than counting down, let's count up. Maybe I'll get to 99 days, or 999, or maybe...well, it's going to be till I get bored and say so, or am unable to do whatever is necessary to post about a day.
I realized I write almost every day about myself anyway. And there are actually a few people who read and comment on my posts. I often wonder if they have busy lives, or get as much out of our little connections here as I do. They do write about trips, gardening, selling, working sometimes though not much, creating things sometimes, having relationships with friends and families, and their own health challenges.
I don't have much except getting sick, getting treatments, getting well, it seems. And a few photos around my life, sometimes flowers.
Boring.
I may not even make a post on this topic daily. Who knows what I'll feel like tomorrow.
But I do have today (as many sage people have said, that's all we ever have.)
Today I'm thinking of rehab. I have plenty of resources for doing a bit physically (from videos). I've requested an order for pulmonary rehab from the PA who I saw last Monday...in case insurance might foot the bill for me to go and work out at the rehab gym in Asheville which I've done before. We shall see.
In the meantime I looked up the Feldenkrais videos which are from 3 years ago when I tried taking classes (and paid for them) but ended up with a bout of pneumonia interrupting them. So I don't think I benefited as much as I wished I had. I just found 3 available, out of what were around 8-10 classes. But it's a start to do easy movements that help me feel better.
I also opened the Ornish exercises which were my cardio rehab from 6 years ago. The suggestion of a plant based low fat diet is under consideration still. I slipped back into my old ways after about a year of trying to go with that diet. And when recovering from a hospitalization (like I currently am) I tend to want easy to prepare things that won't mess up the kitchen.
I was thrilled to drive through various fast food places about once a week. as soon as I felt safe to drive. And I paid extra for things that were better than frozen dinners at the grocery, purchasing portions of catered type dishes. Plus for some reason this time my insurance offered me free meals, which were delivered earlier this week. They are minimal, but the ease of popping something in the microwave means I definitely don't have to stand and prep veggies or cook at the stove.
Another day to count, this is 3 weeks after discharge from hospital...and supposedly 5 days there means 5 weeks feeling that I haven't yet caught up with my life again.
I also have to make myself re-habituate myself to doing some ordinary things, there are some things that I just have to push myself to do, among them are self-care. Coming out of the hospital means taking full responsibility for my life again.
So I've scheduled a haircut next week.
Enough for living/dying today.
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