This person's thoughts after a dream

 I think it's the stop sign of death.

The falling off the cliff of life.

Nothingness.

So how do I deal with it? Think about it? Feel emotional about nothing?

I have a new sense perhaps from my recent dream. In it I saw my son Marty carry a huge stack of magazines and newspapers from a coffee table out of the house. That was it. I had spoken with him earlier the evening before. But that was just about as much reality as the dream had. I have no coffee table. I have no magazines or newspapers.

But I have thoughts of how my family will have the burden of clearing out my apartment after I die.

I have only that emotional sense of duty, to try to do more to lessen that burden.

But this morning, as I felt again the dream, I realized my after-life (whatever it might be or not be) is actually also something besides that  last burden to my family. It's not final. The stop happens. Then I can continue on whatever road might be before me.

So I've got more choices after death.

Of course they (these choices) are all in the same imagination of my day to day life now. But it gives me something more to consider than the dread "final arrangements." Which I haven't made yet.

See Robertson's nice piece about his life as an Elder which I just posted earlier.

A few years ago, Marty and myself in St. Petersburg, FL

An Elder speaks

 From my friend Robertson Work - his Substack post

An Elder Awakens on an Autumn Day

Relieving suffering by embracing impermanence and interbeing

Robertson Work

Nov 03, 2025

(painting deleted)

I am suffering and aware of suffering. I know that this is true for all sentient beings, but this is my suffering. I also know that “my” includes everyone and everything.

At eighty-one, I am experiencing loss, loss of friends and family members due to death, illness, or lack of contact, loss of some of my mental and physical capacities, as well as the loss of a country and world which I have loved and have come to understand.

My ego, identity, and pride are under assault. I have always seen myself as strong, capable, caring, and hopeful. Now I am experiencing weakness, limitations, grief, and depression.

This is all natural and to be expected but is also new and disorienting. How can I accept and embrace these changes and transformations? What can I do to care for myself and others at this time in my life and the life of humanity and planet Earth?

I can accept and embrace these changes by contemplating the realities of impermanence and interbeing. Everything is in a state of perpetual arising, changing, falling apart, returning, and transforming. Everything embodies, and is interconnected with, everything else.

I can recall what I am grateful for at this moment. I am grateful to be living with my wise, loving wife, being near my children and grandchildren, living with kind neighbors, having a body and mind that are still active. I am grateful to be writing to you, and caring for family, neighbors, and friends.

Something is awakening in me. Have I been arrogant? Have I believed that taking compassionate actions justifies ones existence? What is karma? What is “just being?” What is it to love being alive just as it is as an unearned gift? For now, I can still keep writing, waking up, and taking actions. Gratitude.

Throughout my life, I have tried to be useful. Having the family name “Work” has been a symbol of what my life was about. Now that I am no longer facilitating, consulting, training, giving policy advice, traveling, managing projects and organizations, teaching grad students, giving keynotes, and making podcasts, who am I? I have not walked the dog for six months.

I used to say that when I could no longer be useful, then it is time to let go of this life. Is that still true? I did not ask to be born, to struggle, and to die. What a mystery this life is! How can I live each moment in gratitude and humility?

Am I narcissistic? Am I jealous of others wealth and fame which I have never sought? How do I care for myself as the unique being that I am? How can this “I” care for others?

Why am I often in despair? Did the heart ablation traumatize my body? Is it that my writing is not flowing? Is it that I am not sure about publishing my 114 new essays? Is it the cold weather with winter coming? Is it the uncertainties around the neighborhood workshop?

Is it my tiredness, floaters, difficulties balancing and walking, not getting out of the house much, not being with other people often, not having a lot to look forward to, worrying about BMT’s health, uncertainty about our future location, the harm being carried out by a fascist oligarchy, my belly, my old face, knowing that aging will continue, that climate disasters will increase, and that death awaits?

I am happy being with BMT, being with son Christopher and his family, staying in touch with son Benjamin, being able to see and hear, being with Chickabee the cat, being at home, being in touch with friends, posting on social media and Substack, having some income, savings, and a house, having caring neighbors, having a career serving people around the world, having five published books and contributions to thirteen other books, having no atrial fibrillation for one month, the daily shining of the sun-star, and anticipations of the coming of spring.

I can embrace and accept the real as the good. I can embrace impermanence and interbeing. I can learn how to suffer less. I can let go of ego, pride, jealousy, craving, and attachments. I can create new initiatives of thinking, creativity, and caring. I can continue to wake up.

Disasters of climate change and oligarchy are waking many people up around the country and the world. We the People are being called to create compassionate, ecological communities, networks, nations, and planetary society.

We can care for each other and for all ecosystems of water, air, soil, fungi, plants, and animals. We can vote and help get out the vote (GOTV). We can contact our representatives. We can write, speak, and organize for social justice and democracy. We can get food to the hungry. We can call for peace in Sudan, Ukraine, Palestine, Israel, and around this world.

After the bleakness and dying of winter, spring will appear with new life, new colors, and new hope.

Let us continue to awaken in truth, love, and humility. Let us overcome vertigo with calm, confidence, and patience.

May it be so."

Carlos, myself, Hannah and Robertson at Earth Day celebration 2024